Friday, 24 April 2009

#2: SCENE IN THE KITCHEN

Oumed’s stomach was rumbling in the dark. He twisted and turned on his bed.
“Oh man, what a perfect time to get hungry! What’s wrong with my stomach? Jeez…” he grumbled as he walked with his eyes half-closed down to the kitchen.

He passed by his mom who was getting wudhu for Tahajjud prayers. Her eyes lit up,

“Oumed, are you up to pray Tahajjud?” she asked, proud of her son.

Oumed rolled his eyes. “Now why would I want to do a thing like that?!” he exclaimed, throwing up his arms. His mother’s sad eyes followed him as he made his way for the kitchen.

“What are you going to do, son?” she asked curiously because Oumed was never known to get up very early.

“Make myself an omelet.” He grumbled back.

“Can’t you just wait for breakfast?”

“I’M HUNGRY, MAN!” he yelled. His mom shook her head and went to her room to pray. She would always make dua for him…

Oumed lit the gas stove and placed a frying pan on the fire. He sleepily walked to the fridge to get an egg. Meanwhile, a spark from the fire flew up to the curtains. A fire was slowly building up.

Oumed was still busy browsing through the eggs trying to choose a big one. The fire had caught all the curtains.
Finally, Oumed looked up. “WHAT THE-?!”

Saleem was just finishing up on his college project when he smelt something burning. Smartly, he rushed downstairs and found his little brother beating the curtains which had caught fire with his pajama shirt.

The fire had just heated up to the ceiling and the tube light had shattered. Funnily, the smoke alarm wasn’t working. Salim rushed in, pushed aside his brother and pulled down the curtains. He started pouring water on them.

“Hey, I DON’T NEED YOU! THIS IS MY FIRE! I CAN PUT IT OUT MYSELF!” Oumed screamed and threw himself on Salim.

The fire was spreading. Oumed was wrestling with Salim on the ground. Miraculously, the smoke alarm started working, water started spraying down from the ceiling.

Their parents came running down. “Astaghfirallah!” Their father gasped. “What’s going on here?” He asked the boys who were drenched with water lying on the ground. Oumed still had his arms around Salim’s neck.

“Get up you two. Now explain.” Their father ordered the two take seats.
The boys got up and sat at the dining. Oumed had his hands over his head. Salim was patiently looking around like nothing happened.

“Well?” their mother asked. Oumed finally spoke. “I just wanted a stupid egg.”

Salim said, “It’s time for Fajr. I’m heading for the masjid.” Oumed gets up with Salim too. Their mom asked, “Oumed, are you going to the masjid too?”

“Of course not!” he snorted, like it’s obvious. “I’m heading back to sleep. I’ve had a horrible day.”

His dad called out to him as Oumed walked up the stairs. “Hey, you come back and help your mom clean up the mess you made.”

“Whatever.” He said and run back to his room.

6 comments:

SirAdib.com said...

Its okay I guess. Unless maybe you're brewing up something shocking that would relate to the incident that just occurred here, then I'll definately be waiting for the next chapter!

What I used to learn from my English teachers is that describing with the 5 senses is what makes people feel like they've warped into the scene of the story. Keep writing and I might give you some examples.

I've made several stories but they were never finished. My problem was that I wasn't able to put in consistent effort till the end. Perhaps one day I *might* start one.

Kudos to thee!

SirAdib.com said...

I'd like to add that its a good introduction to what his character is with his parents. Keep it up!

Quick It Girl. said...

Thanks Sir Adib, for your comments! :D I am very grateful!!1

What I really wanted to show in this chapter was Oumed's attitude with his family.

The next chapter is about Nur. I'm going to write about Nur and Oumed in separate chapters.

Please keep reading, and thanks for motivating me! :)

Salam

Bengali Muslimah said...

Wow Oumed's personality is pretty clear here. which is what you want to do. I think it's great that you're introducing the characters very well in the first chapters of the story =]

keep writing! i'm enjoying it.

Quick It Girl. said...

omg thank you for your comment Bengali Muslimah!

I'm glad your enjoying it!:)

malekat_el7oriya said...

wow! i loved it...keep it up. It's sad too though :( but true. I don't think that devoloping hatred for a character as early as the second chapter is ok but I'm definitely started to dislike oumed! lol :)
great story!!